Birthday Blessings

When I attend a funeral and hear positive, affirming words spoken, I ask the same question. Did this person know their family and friends felt that way about them? 29 years ago, my dad sat next to me at his mother’s funeral. Understandably, he was weeping, but also repeating over and over, “She was such a good woman.” She; however, would be surprised to know he felt that way. He never told her. He seldom showed her. Unfortunately, the one who needed to hear those words didn’t.

Since that time, I have resolved to make sure those I love know I love them. Sounds simple enough. Lots of ways to show it; meals prepared, laundry washed, babysitting done, graduations and weddings attended, service offered, counsel given. ‘Actions speak louder than words’ is true, but words are powerful as well. So, I say them. “I love you”, of course, but also, “I’m proud of you” and “I’m glad God gave you to me”. As I have set out to be a speaker of love, I have had to think intentionally and critically about WHY this person is significant and special. It has been good for me. My eyes are being trained to notice simple acts of greatness (Zeke fist pumping the weakest link on the baseball team and telling him good job) as well as the obvious big ones (Levi emptying his savings account so that his sister could study abroad for a semester).

As adults, we have our heads full of messages—some true, but just as many false— about our identity. To articulate truth about a person gives them a powerful weapon against Satan’s lies—and oh my, how he lies to us. That weapon (truth of why they are loveable) is a gift they can use over and over. When our children were young, we were the primary contributor to their identity. They believed about themselves what we told them and showed them. As they have moved toward adulthood the voices speaking about their value and worth are many and often loud. Pray to and Praise God about that reality. Pray to the Father that he protect their hearts from the voices that do not line up with the Spirit. Teachers, coaches, classmates, and bosses are powerful influences to our children’s identity. But also, praise him for using others to bring truth and shaping into your child’s life. Our family learned early on what a blessing it was for our girls to have adult relationships beyond Larry and me. Linda Brown was able to speak words of truth when Jess was unable or unwilling to hear from us. Jenny Pace listened to Kate unburden her heart, when I was the last person Kate wanted to talk to.

One way we have planted truth in our children about their identity is thru our “Birthday Blessings”. Simply, each year on their birthday, we have a birthday dinner followed by a time of blessing. This celebration and ritual started when they turned 12. The circle has been filled with family, of course, but also significant friends. Each person present has an opportunity to speak words of encouragement, hope for the future, favorite memory, and observed growth in character or challenge that was overcome. These powerful words have helped our children know a few things.
1. They are loved, valued, appreciated, but also they are noticed. Their life matters. They are making a difference.
2. In spite of mistakes or shortcomings, their successes are celebrated. This was especially valuable when we were going thru a challenging time with Jessica. So much of the year was filled with disappointment and conflict. It was good for us to speak about what was positive and true in the midst of hardship.
3. Even though they may not be there yet, those that know them best see potential. There is hope for life beyond where they are currently.

Birthday Blessings have become a significant part of our family’s traditions. When Kate’s 6th grade teacher asked what her favorite birthday present was, she said, “My blessing.” Certainly, words of affirmation spoken only once a year won’t cut it; won’t compete against what the world is saying about our kids. So begin today, letting them know. Tell them what you value in them often and specifically. But also, consider a time of focused blessing that feels weightier than your regular words of love and praise.