I have a love/hate relationship with spin class(spin is a contemporary way of saying “ride a stationary bike”). I love the challenge. I love the fact that it is easy on my knees. I love exercising with a group. But...I hate that the group has no bearing on my performance. I hate that I have no idea how I compare with the other people in the group.

I understand the concept of spin class - that it is my workout and that only I can determine what I can do. I control my level of exertion. Yes, there is a leader for the class. She tells me what to do, when to work harder, when to spin faster. But I don’t know if I am working as hard as her or any one else in the class, even though we are in the same room following the same instructions.

When I run by myself, I can watch my pace. I can compare that to previous runs that I have done. I can compare that to other people’s paces - even to the world champion’s. If I was on a real bike, I could compare myself to Lance Armstrong. But in spin class, the numbers on my odometer do not provide me with a direct comparison to another rider or even my last spin class.

That is very frustrating for me. I want to know how I compare with those around me. It makes me work harder if I feel like I am “losing,” and it makes me feel good about myself when I see me “winning” against them. If I notice someone who spins faster, I can set a goal to reach that time. I can work on getting faster and stronger. But in spin, I must learn to trust what is going on inside of me. I must pay attention to the more fine-tuned details of my exertion - my breathing, the way I pull/push my foot through the cycle. I must know what I am capable of and not rely on my neighbors' capabilities.

I find the same temptations happen to me in life. I find myself comparing myself to others - to you. You name it, I can compare it. For me, parenting is one of the worst areas of comparisons. Do I discipline my kids differently than you? Do I shelter my kids too much? Am I too lax on my kids? Am I as fun a parent as you? Do I give my kids as many opportunities as you do? Basically, I am asking, “Am I as good a mom as you?”

Truly, I have no idea if I parent well or not. I don’t even know if there can be“parent well” mark. I want to believe that I am a little better-than-average mother. So, I want to compare myself to others so that I can either feel good about myself or put pressure on myself to do better. That is when I get caught in the strong teeth of the comparison trap. I can become ensnared by pride and self-loathing, neither of them a benefit to my family or me.

The things that I am learning in spin class about comparing myself to other riders, hopefully will transfer to what I am learning about comparing myself to other parents. In spin, I cannot compare myself to those around me because the odometers don’t measure intensity or effort. They only measure how many times my feet spin. I can win the race as the fastest spinner, but what good does that do me if I get no benefit from my spinning?

How I parent is the similar. I can win the race for the busiest mom by comparing my schedule to others’. Are my kids in as many classes or sports as yours? Do I volunteer as many hours in a month as you? Do I attend as many church events as you? Do I let my kids have friends over as much as you? Do I write my kids letters and give them presents as often as you? But that is just like the odometer on a spin bike. It measures how many times my feet move around the circle, but it does not measure the quality of my time or the actual engagement that I am able to have while at an event.

As much as I would like to compare myself to you - to see if I am competent, lazy or amazing - I cannot. We are not comparable. We are on different bikes. We are created differently, each with our own personality and set of circumstances. I have to do the harder work. I have to look deep inside myself and notice what is really going on. Only I, with the counsel of the Spirit, my husband, and perhaps the counsel of other Christ-seeking parents, can determine the quality of my time that I give to my family or the amount of engagement I have while I am with my children. I am in charge of how I love my kids. I get to choose what I give to my kids. How much attention, patience, wisdom and love I pour on them is up to me. I believe that is why God tells us to work like we are working for Him and not for man (Colossians 3:23). I must live free of the need to compare. I must take my feelings of competency and worth from the Lord, not from others.

I believe this. I know this. But, man, it is hard. Just as I too often find myself sneaking peaks at my neighbor’s spin bike odometer- seeing if I am spinning as fast as they, even though I know it means nothing- so I can slip into the desire to compare myself to you.

“Lord, help me to trust Your work in my life so much that I don’t feel the need to compare or contrast my life to those around me. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”